I've been spending all too much time in MMORPGs the last, well, better part of a decade. I've no excuse for it, other than its facility for the utter, complete disposal of time. Down the drain, lickety split. Comparably, I might have become some deep disciple of bridge, with a formal table prominently featured, spotlighted in my living room, much as others, yet again, devoted, say, to amateur musicianship, might display a baby grand. But, no, instead, I huddle in darkness before a screen, aggravating my classic carpal tunnel in MMORPGs.

For a good while now, I've approached, reached, and more than passed the point where I can sit comfortably with the notion of playing on and on and on....creating nothing.

How does one "mod" a MMORPG?

Without access to the modeling geometry, what range, which varieties of performance might be capable of changing, altering, diverting the "worldliness" of the game experience, not just for oneself and one's own, but for all?

It's at this juncture that the notion of "Theatrical RP" never fails to recur to me, though I've never fully worked out all that might mean, very much apart and distinct from the more usual "Storytelling RP."

One of my favorite characters in Age of Conan or any MMOPRG, the Tortage Town Crier. This fellow proclaims the most dastardly lies, half-truths, and threats with endearing gusto. A credit to press secretaries and political lackeys everywhere.

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Click to hear the proclamation:

Town Crier: Admiral Strom issues this decree! All members of the Resistance will be granted mercy if they surrender! Quick deaths! Your families will be spared!

Town Crier: All appeals to see relatives taken for questioning must be made to a ranking member of the Red Hand!

Town Crier: All captains wishing to pass through the blockade must meet with Lord Admiral Strom and Slavemaster Ulrich for their signed permits!

Town Crier: All symbols of the Red Brotherhood, former rulers of Scarlet Tortage, are to be destroyed! Lord Strom has spoken!

Town Crier: Be at peace, people of great Tortage! The screams heard in the city last night were naught but a pack of wild apes within the walls! They were silenced by the noble Red Hand, forever serving you!

Town Crier: Blessed news! The heavens smile upon Lord Admiral Strom and his loyal Red Hand! Another Resistance member has confessed information under questioning! The end of the rebellion is nigh!

Town Crier: Citizens of Tortage! It is a crime to shelter the Resistance! It is a crime to meet with the Resistance! It is a crime to know a Resistance member without reporting him! All crimes are punishable by death!

Town Crier: Come forward to the Red Hand, if you suspect your neighbors of treachery against the Admiral!

Town Crier: Glad tidings once more! The courageous Red Hand battled the Picts this very morning, and fought to keep great Tortage free!

Town Crier: Glad tidings! While the city slept last night, three more traitors lost their lives to the noble blades of the Red Hand!

Town Crier: Hear this proclamation! Twenty-six lives lost to Pictish blades only last week! Witness the dangers of leaving the city!

Town Crier: The following warning is to be given to all within the city walls! Any who sell their souls to the black rebellion seeking the Lord Admiral's downfall are to be sentenced to death by impaling!

Town Crier: Lord Strom and Slavemaster Ulrich make this decree! It is now declared illegal to set foot upon White Sands Isle! The leaders of the city wish to protect you all from the island's dangers!

Town Crier: Lord Strom regrets the raising of taxes once more! Coin is needed to clear the wreckage of another traitorous vessel that sought to run the blockade!

Town Crier: Lord Strom requires the services of a skilled carpenter! Wooden stakes must be fashioned for the coming executions! He will pay handsomely!

Town Crier: Lord Strom speaks! Taxes are raised once more on account of the Resistance! Fresh blades and armour are required by the noble Red Hand!

Town Crier: Pictish attacks increase in number each week! Stay within the city walls! It's safer here!

Town Crier: Serve the city! Join the Red Hand!

Town Crier: Slavemaster Ulrich sends this message! Those of you with debts too high to pay may be free of the burden by selling yourselves into slavery! All debts will be considered cleared!

Town Crier: Slavemaster Ulrich shares his concern with you all! Escaped slaves carry disease and must be reported to the Red Hand!

Town Crier: The Lord Admiral sends this message to his people! Never fear! The rebels who put this great city at risk will be crushed by the turn of the month!

Tired of the daily grind, the same old, same old virtual faces? Lord Strom's newly established Ministry of Tourism beckons. Vacation for FREE in beautiful, sunny Tortage! By day, stroll palm-lined beaches, swim and bathe in crystal-pure waters, scale the local volcanic mountains -- some still active! Dance and drink away the night, rubbing shoulders with traders, pirates, smugglers and other colorful, friendly folk in two -- count 'em -- two authentic tropical bars. Daily eco-tours of the virtually untouched White Sand Isles, with a chance to discover the primitive charm of its native tribes. Charter galleys leaving daily. Sign up now! You have nothing to lose but your chains!